Castro, Chavez Relish 'Axis of Subversion' Label

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin attempts to follow in Cuban and Venezualan colleagues' footsteps by applying for membership of the 'Axis of Wishywashiness'.

House Votes to Rescind Ethics Rules

Isn't the whole point of ethics that it's something people in power should possess and abide by, without being made to do so with rules? If someone forces you to do something bad, you aren't really bad, so if you're forced to do something good, you aren't really good either...

Expert: North Korean nukes can hit US

Bush administration reclassifies nukes as non-WMDs, touts success in deposing Saddam, spending billions to install a stable government in Baghdad, wiping out Iraqi insurgency, capturing Osama bin Laden and, hey! look over here - social security cuts!

Incoming cloud forces Bush into safe bunker

GW finally stops blubbing like a 2 year-old when Cheney knocks on bunker door and tells him the cloud was just the product of a beef fajita with refried beans lunch. Tomorrow, Bush hands secret service agent special detail to track "shifty-looking shadow that keeps following me around."

Beckham 'amazed' at nanny claims

Apparently he was so busy doing his hair and other metrosexual activities that he didn't even notice they had a nanny.

Longhorn will feel your touch

Not a porn or Viagra spam, but an actual news item about Microsoft. I guess it was about time they started counteracting the wishy-washy name (micro? soft?), but Longhorn? Bill, Bill... get a grip.

Verdict in Khodorkovsky trial is postponed

Russian president Putin still weighing up his options, bribes, tea leaves, friends' opinions...

Largest Passenger Jet Ever Completes Maiden Flight

Baggage ends up in Brazil. Test declared a success.

Putin Outlines Commitment to Democracy

This follows Condi Rice's visit last week, where she explained to the Russian president that he need not worry about weakening his grip on power - being leader of a democracy does not necessarily entail listening to minority voices or opposition parties, and that stacking courts and other government institutions with party supporters is generally accepted practice.

Two Star Wars Television Series Coming!

Reports that their titles will be Desperate Wookies and Jedi Idol are as yet unconfirmed.

Clark: Iraq won't be Vietnam

Exactly - Iraq will still be a hell-hole in 30 years's time, unlike Vietnam after the Americans left.

Nano World: Nano patents in conflict

Apparently the problem lies in the very, very, very, very fine print.

China and Japan Try to Ease Strain

Friendly sumo vs. karate match doesn't bring hoped-for results, after knocked-out wrestler falls on black-belt, squashing him to death.