Flight of Chinese astronauts appears to be going smoothly

The first restaurant on the moon is only days away now.

Russian police round up Muslim men

That should take a while.

FAA Upgrading Radar to Keep Planes on Controllers' Screens

That is such a great idea!

Marijuana may spur new brain cells

And you thought Christmas was on December 25th.

China Sees Festive Way to Assert Its Claim to Taiwan

Beijing is planning to send them a gift of nuclear-tipped fireworks.

Where the Rich Go to Cry

Gold-plated marble bathrooms, while dabbing their eyes with silken towels and blowing their noses on satin handkerchiefs, I'll bet.

Chinese astronauts maneuver spacecraft

...narrowly missing old man on bicycle.

Girls less likely to use condoms than boys

Researchers have really done their profession proud with this study.

CIA Chief to Oversee Human Spying Operations

Chimpanzee spying operations will still be monitored directly by the president himself.

A Historic Discovery, in Beethoven's Own Hand

Incredible, but true: Ludwig van B's corpse was exhumed this week, and in his hand he was found to be holding...THE SEVERED HEAD OF MOZART!!!

$11 Million a Day Spent on Hotels for Storm Relief

And that's just to accomodate the presidential entourage on each of their 'inspections'.

Scientists bolster case for hobbit people

Creationists scurry furiously to build a defense before evidence of dwarfs, elves and walking, talking trees is also discovered.

Blair backs 90-day detention plan

British schools have always been renowned for their strict discipline, but this is ridiculous.

Residents Wonder if Divine Intervention Guided Mudslide

What - they think that the poor unfortunates in the village that got buried were all bad, so God punished them?

Los Angeles Archdiocese Says It Didn't Shield Kids From Priests

Why would it? It's not as if Christianity is all about protecting the innocent against the forces of ev.... oh.

Kyrgyzstan Says US Can Keep Using Its Air Base for Afghan War

In return, Kyrgyzstan can expect several new McDonald's franchises and a pair of World Series tickets.

Quake aid balloons

It must be incredibly tragic to have lost friends, relatives and property in an earthquake, so I can't help but wonder whether balloons are really going to cheer anyone up.

Russians Feel Poorer Than Statistics Show

And there's nothing like statistics to make you feel less poor.

Rabbi Says Madonna Will Face Divine 'Punishment' For Song

Following George W. Bush's recent admission that God had ordered him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq, it's middle-aged pop icon Madonna who incurs the wrath of the deity this week. When asked why he didn't have better things to do, with 20,000 dead in the Asian earthquake, God's spokesman refused to comment.

Bird flu strain reported in TurkeyBird flu found in turkeys

Birds flew to Turkey, bringing bird flu to turkeys.

For the Blue Man Army, Recruitment Is on the Rise

Good news for George! He can send them to Iraq and end the insurgency with a huge dose of performance art at a fraction of the cost of the current military campaign.