Bush satisfied with how Cheney handled shooting

Of course he's satisfied. Cheney tried to get those birds with as much success as Bush has had hunting Osama bin Laden.

Police chide rapper after shooting

Perhaps the cops should 'chide' more black guys instead of jailing or shooting them.

Batman's newest enemy: al-Qaeda

Okay - here we go - the cartoons strike back.

Cleric wants cartoonist killed

Right, well I think it's about time that the world's cartoonists unleashed their wrath on ultra-orthodox Muslim clerics like this guy. Maybe some brave scribbler could sneak into his bedroom and draw a sign saying "I'm a walking stereotype who does nothing to promote or protect Islam" on the back of his robe.

Cartoon protest mobs set fire to fast-food shops

Bush is rethinking element b) of his medical plan (see previous post).

Bush Promotes Health Accounts at Wendy's

Some elements of the proposed system would be:

a) A free flu shot with every burger.
b) Collectible cartoon character surgical masks with kids' meals.
c) Supersized breast exams.

And that's the end of the brrreeeport.

Red Wine Makes Fish Live Longer

And once they finally die they taste great in a white wine sauce.

Silence Broken as Cheney Points Only to Himself

If he only pointed at himself he wouldn't be in this mess.

New Jersey top court urged to allow gay marriage

Tom Cruise said to be thinking of relocating to the Garden State so he won't have to bother with another 'contractual relationship' like the one he has with Katie Holmes.

Iran says scale of nuclear work is small

That's because you only need a teeny, tiny bit of uranium to cause an enormous explosion.

Timeline Following Cheney's Hunting Mishap

Saturday, 4pm: The hunt begins.
Saturday, 6.30pm: Cheney finally hits something.
Saturday, 7.30pm: Two dozen Saudi nationals are spirited out of the country.
Sunday, 9am: Pat Robertson blames the shooting on Venezuelan president Chavez.
Sunday, 2.45pm: The White House admits Cheney shot Whittington, but blames the victim.
Monday, 3pm: Whittington is moved out of intensive care.
Monday, 6.45 pm: Officials reveal that Cheney didn't have a proper hunting license.
Monday, 6.46pm: Officials reveal that Cheney didn't have a proper invasion of Iraq license either.
Tuesday, 7.30am: Whittington suffers a heart attack.
Tuesday, 12pm: Cheney "on the lam".

Hunter Shot by Cheney Has Heart Attack

The Vice President was last seen prowling the hospital corridors mumbling, "Damn! I thought I'd finished him off..."

Saddam returns to court shouting old slogans

The former Iraqi leader bizzarely yelled out, "You've come a long way, baby!" "I'd linke to teach the world to sing," and "Come to where the flavor is." Legal experts believe this might be a ploy for a future insanity defense, or that his cell is filled with 1972 editions of Time magazine.

US Royalty Plan to Give Windfall to Oil Companies

I'm so happy for all those oil companies. They needed a bit of luck.

Huge, Lily-Scented Worm Found

The perfect Valentine's gift for all domestic birds.

Germany to order poultry indoors over flu fears

The birds are expected to obey the command with a synchronized goosestep.

Cricket fans go on the rampage

Several cups of tea were spilled in the melee and a small cucumber sandwich was squashed.

Iran Rejects Charge of Inflaming Violence

Iranian president Ahmadinejad clarified matters by explaining that Iran creates, rather than inflames violence, and that he'd like to receive proper credit in future.

Whoops! Cheney accidentally shoots hunting buddy

I guess one day we'll read the headline: "Whoops! Cheney accidentally told Bush to invade Iraq."

Congressmen savage Bush over response to hurricane

I know it's a full moon, but violent, blood-lusting politicians? Still, I guess that being savaged by congressmen might be safer than accompanying Dick Cheney on a hunting trip.

Iraq suspends AWB dealings

As a result the Average White Band will be left trying to Pick up the Pieces.