Slime Mold Incites Motion in Robot

Whaddaya know - slime molds and robots are having more sex than me.

Mysterious explosion seen in space

Maybe it's the Rapture! Come on, you believers - run outside and take off all your clothes!

Brazil bishops say go easy on Carnival sex, booze

Brazilian bishops sound pretty cool. Apparently instead of the Ten Commandments, they have the Ten Suggestions.

A Move to Add Still More Fine Print to Advertised Airfares

Among the proposed legalese:

Unruly or crazy passengers who are shot by an air marshall must foot the cleanup bill.
If your bag goes to Brazil, you pay for its trip.
17% 'duct tape' surcharge.

7 US paratroopers charged with having sex on gay porno website

I thought Bush was planning to smoke Bin Laden out, not blow him out.

Iran’s President blames US, Israel for Iraq shrine attack

Oh, don't be so coy, president Ahmadinejad, take a little credit - we know your guys were behind it...

All Austrian athletes negative - team

Sounds like a thoroughly depressing country in which to practise any kind of sport. No wonder Arnie left.

Bush admits Iraq in "serious situation"

The chef tells guests that his souffle has collapsed.

Guns N' Roses comeback rumours

Welcome to the bungle.

France Says Turkeys May Have Died of Flu

Oh, those poor birds... 'Cos you know, if they hadn't died of the flu, those French farmers would have pampered them well into old age.

Guards Foil Bombers at Saudi Oil Site

Maybe American ports will be more secure with Arabs in charge...

Sasha Cohen Shocks Herself

Come on, kid - you got a silver medal - there's no need for Abu Ghraib-style self-punishment.

Iraq civil war a fear after shrine blast

This wasn't a fear already, after years of suicide bombings, social chaos and sectarian squabbling?

Calif. murderer spared execution for fear of pain

Ah, yes - the old 'dentist' ploy.

'Dissident' Charles is royal rebel

The Prince of Wales reportedly spent the night drag racing his carriage up and down The Mall, while leather-jacketed teenage girls cheered him on. This morning he had an appointment to get a crown-shaped mohawk hairdo, before spending the afternoon hanging out in a pool hall, smoking and drinking...tea.

Pope Names Two Americans as Cardinals

Billy Crystal and Ellen DeGeneres said to be, "Surprised and delighted."

High alert as bird flu sweeps relentlessly across the globe

The sky is falling! Oh no - that was just a sick bird.

Celine & Elton together

Oh, great - nightmares for me tonight.

Psychics Join Search for Missing Show Dog

I'm really glad that the psychics and dog enthusiasts are keeping each other busy so that normal people can go about there lives without being bothered by them.

California execution delayed as doctors walk out

What is the world coming to when doctors can't even be trusted to show up and kill people on schedule?

NASA To Mothball Shuttle in '08

If the shuttle can be eaten by moths that might explains its fragility on takeoff.

Bin Laden compares US "barbaric" crimes to Saddam’s

Tell you what, to make the world a better place, let's put Bush, Saddam and Bin Laden in a room together. Then send in Dick Cheney with a shotgun.

'Godfather' actor killed in bus accident

Witnesses said that he tried to get out from under the wheels, but kept getting pulled back in.

RadioShack CEO Quits Amid Resume Questions

I guess he had no answers after all.

McDonald Faces Lawsuits Because Of Its Fries

Stop the insanity! We all know that fries don't kill people; people who make fries kill people.

Jupiter couple sue McDonald's, claiming fries made daughter ill

I say that it serves them right - I wouldn't feed my kid fast food from another planet.

Astronomers get shortlist of possible ET addresses

I'm betting that The White House, The Kremlin and 10, Downing Street would be somewhere on that list.

Concern in U.S. Congress as Arab company given control over 6 key ports

Capitalism meets common sense head on. And the winner is...

Sorry I was shot, says Cheney victim

Tomorrow morning Saddam is expected to apologize for being invaded.

Cheney's shooting victim apologizes for ruckus

According to one fellow lawyer, who spoke under condition of anonymity, Whittington's apology when he could have sued might set back the legal profession hundreds of years.

US Firms Balance Morality, Commerce

Presumably using the same scales that balance ecology and profit.