Gary Glitter pleads not guilty

Next year's Oscar-nominated movie about a musician with a troubled life? Ahhh, maybe not.

Food not only way to tackle malnutrition, says World Bank

The bank president explained that "People in the Third World can eat shit."

Former Congressman Sentenced to 8 Years in Prison

Wow - that's a pretty hefty sentence. I wonder how much jail time most of the current bunch of congressmen will have to do?

Bird flu could disrupt World Cup - FIFA

Teams may be forced to exclude bird-brained players such as David Beckham from their squads.

Bird flu kills German cat

The European Health Agency has issued a statement advising cats to make sure they cook all birds to an internal temperature of at least 120 degrees C before eating them.

Katrina disaster warnings failed to stir laid-back Bush

Is anyone surprised that a guy who carried on reading a children's book when two planes hit the WTC didn't stir when nasty weather was coming to a state far, far away?

Hunt on for Bin Laden: US president

So I guess this proves that Bush is about as successful a hunter as Cheney.

President Bush Makes Surprise Visit to Afghanistan

Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for since 9/11 - the WWF-style Bush v. bin Laden Slamdown.

Poll: 72 percent of troops want out of Iraq in a year

The other 28% were too busy dodging shrapnel or 'interrogating' prisoners to answer the question.

George Bush in India - what is success?

Finally making the president understand that he isn't visiting a state between Illinois and Ohio.

Berlusconi comes to US for pre-election boost

Signs your re-election campaign isn't going too well:

1) You need to ask George Bush for help.
2) He welcomes you to the White House.
3) He turns down your gift of genuine Pizza Napoletana because he "doesn't like French food."

Bird flu seen spreading

There are some real genius expert guys out there, I tell ya.

Russian Clown Brings Acrobatic Cats to New York

I always thought the Big Apple was kind of lifeless and dull, so this should spice things up a bit.

Eating chocolate may halve risk of dying

That sounds like a good deal to me! Let me get this straight - if I eat chocolate, I'll only have a 50% chance of dying?

Drug arrest was my stupid fault, says star George

Blame the victim, why don't you?

Dennis Weaver, famed for TV roles, dead at 81 (Reuters)

Is it just me, or have TV actors been dropping like flies in the last couple of days? Watch out, Dick Van Dyke and Peter Falk!

A quiet birthday for Ariel Sharon

Um, yeah - as opposed to the regular days when he's chatting and joking with nurses?

Russia hosts international nuclear safety conference

In a related story, Iraq will be opening its doors to a nation-building conference, Rwanda will be welcoming delegates from Israel and Palestine to an ethnic harmony symposium, while the US will be inaugurating the first annual Hurricane Emergency Preparedness Forum.

Neo-Nazis Hold Orlando Rally

The gathering was organized to promote the proposed Hitlerworld theme park which is expected to draw market share from the nearby Disneyworld, especially amongst white visitors from the southern states.